Nickelback

Greatest band of the 21st Century

By: Captain D

Posted: 4/18/07

I know that it's a little early in the game to make the above claim, as we've got 94 years left in the current century, but I'm going to put my journalistic and personal integrity on the line and call this one in favor of the boys from Alberta, Canada: the hard-rocking, ass-kicking, perm-reviving quartet known as Nickelback.

Nickelback has been rocking your face off ever since their first big hit, "How You Remind Me," put you on your ass back in 2001. That song set the bar high, but Nickelback has consistently lived up to the hype with single after single that provides the framework for a musical style that can only be described as the sonic embodiment of a sweet-ass jean jacket. Frontman Chad Kroeger's guttural vocals hearken back to simpler time when men were men and 3.2 beer was legal for high school seniors.

Chad Kroeger's glorious blonde perm shines like a beacon in a dark sea of pussy emo-cuts, and with the supporting cast of Ryan Peak wailing on the axe, Dan Adair hitting the skins, and brother Mikey Kroeger on bass, Nickleback is as formidable as any band out there in music today. However, it wasn't until I heard Nickelback's 4th album, All the Right Reasons, that I realized the simple and immutable truth that N-Back is not only the greatest band of our generation, but also the 21st century.

Succinctly put, the album is a tour-de-force. The first single, "Photograph," is a wistful reminiscence back to the days of youth, forever immortalized but impossible to return to. Many a night I've lain awake in bed wondering just what the hell was actually on Joey's head. Thanks to the video, I know now that it was a silly hat. Kroeger may laugh every time he looks at that old photograph, but every time I hear him sing about it, I cry the tears of joy known only to those that have witnessed true beauty.

However, it's not until we examine deeper cuts on the album that Kroeger's lyrical genius is fully exposed. On the driving track "Next Contestant," Chad sings: "I judge by what she's wearing/ just how many heads I'm tearing/ Off of assholes coming on to her." In this song, Nickelback is exploring the common and completely legitimate urge to beat the shit out of anyone who looks at your girlfriend, especially if she's dressed like a total slut. Given Kroeger's brutish physique, I don't doubt for a minute that he's capable of bringing some serious pain to any Tom, Dick, or Harry with a wandering eye.

Nickelback has also shown us their softer side on the current single, "If Everyone Cared." Similar in sentiment to John Lennon's "Imagine" (though superior musically), they envision the world as a better place where: "If everyone cared and nobody cried/ If everyone loved and nobody lied/ If everyone shared and swallowed their pride/ Then we'd see the day that nobody died." With the current world population approaching 6 billion, some would say it's statistically impossible for nobody to die on a particular given day. To them, I offer this rebuttal: a lot of people would say that it's statistically impossible for Chad Kroeger's hair to be as sweet as it is, but that hasn't stopped him.

What does the future hold for Kroeger & Co.? Having already solidified their icon status in the world of music, the group's yet-unnamed 2007/2008 release will be icing on the cake. Word on the street is that the group is working on collaboration with ex-Creed frontman Scott Stapp. Should this prove to be true, the combination of Stapp and Kroeger on a single track may be too glorious for human ears- and thus may signal the second coming of Christ as described in the Book of Revelations.

However, one thing is certain: the world is a better and more culturally enriched place as a direct result of the band Nickelback. The group seems to come to terms with their own significance on the song "Rockstar," in which they sing: "I want a new tour bus full of old guitars/ My own star on Hollywood Boulevard/ Somewhere between Cher and James Dean is fine with me." You know what? That's fine with me too, boys.